


Love really is a disadvantage

by colemlock01



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Post Reichenbach, Pregnancy, Smut, Texting, affair
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-11-22 15:36:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colemlock01/pseuds/colemlock01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Reichenbach. John has only been married a week when he receives a text from Sherlock, telling him that he's leaving with another man. Feelings are revealed over a series of texts. Mainly text structure, eventual Johnlock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sherlock knew it was not a good idea to text his friend about this matter now, at this ungodly hour. John had only been married to Mary for a week but he couldn't take it any longer. He had to move on, he had to tell his friend what he was up to this time, he didn't want to disappear completely again.

_John, I am leaving London in the morning. – SH_

The buzz of the whole woke John up. He grumbled to himself but read the message regardless. He sat bolt upright in bed, tapping at the keys as fast as he could.

_What do you mean? Why?- JW_

_I need to leave the flat. Too big for just one person. I am going back to Paris. SH_

_Couldn't you just find another flat in London? A smaller one?-JW_

_There is someone waiting for me in Paris. SH_

_Who? This is a bit out of the blue isn't it? –JW_

_I know. There are many things I couldn't tell you before from those three years I was "dead". SH_

_Please don't make me think about that. Don't leave me again.. Please..-JW_

_That's why I am telling you this time. I'll be coming back regularly though. We will still see each other. SH_

_You could have told me last time and it still wouldn't have been easier. Is this because of Mary? She won't affect our work, honestly.- JW_

_No, no of course not. In fact, this time I am being selfish. All of this is because of me. I'll still kidnap you for big cases. I'll be lost without my blogger for those. SH_

_Please tell me what this is about, Sherlock.- JW_

_I'll spare you with the details, John. But all I can tell to you is that I made a big mistake a long time ago. I have to fix myself now. SH_

_I want to know the details. Sherlock, please. Not knowing makes it even worse. You should know that from before.- JW_

_I'm not proud of them, John. SH_

_You think I'm going to judge you? After everything? Please, I'm begging you. I need to know.- JW_

_Fine. I allowed myself a luxury I thought I could handle. I felt, strongly, for someone. SH_

_I couldn't. Well you know the situation. I faked my death, left you alone. It had to be done. All of that you already know. SH_

_Mycroft called an old acquaintance from our youth, he allowed me to stay with him in Paris. That feeling triggered things and I made a huge mistake with him. SH_

_That's it. SH_

_So you're going back to him? JW_

_With him. Not to him. SH_

_He's here?- JW_

_Sleeping now. Yes. SH_

_Can I know who it is?- JW_

_His name's Victor. SH_

_Victor and Sherlock.. It's quite cute.- JW_

_Cute? What do you mean, cute? SH_

_Your names, they sound good together -JW_

_That's ridiculous. Why would that matter? SH_

_I just don't know what else to say Sherlock. I'm glad you told me. But it will still be hard without you.- JW_

_It was, for me as well, being without you. SH_

_At least neither of us are alone this time.- JW_

_You never were to start with. SH_

_Really? Because I felt like the loneliest man alive.- JW_

_It's not the same what you feel inside with reality outside. Believe me, I know that. SH_

_Still. I'm glad you've found someone. I really am.- JW_

_I found someone? SH_

_Oh. Yes. Better if you think of this this way. SH_

_What do you mean?- JW_

_It is not of importance. SH_

_Everything is of importance Sherlock. I've known you too long for you to try and use that one.- JW_

_I just mean I have to learn to fix myself. SH_

_You don't need fixing.- JW_

_I'm broken, John. SH_

_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you that. Ignore it. SH_

_Please.. talk to me. You owe me this much.- JW_

_Love really is a disadvantage. SH_

_Sentiment.. -JW_

_Sentiment. Exactly. Destructive. SH_

_Victor? –JW_

_No. SH_

_I hope so, though. SH_

_I don't understand..-JW_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The texting continues, John now knowing how Sherlock feels. But Sherlock drops a bombshell that is sure to change John's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still texting in structure, it will get better, I promise

_I told you, I allowed myself to feel strongly for someone. SH_

_I told you that before. SH_

_But not Victor? Sherlock I'm not you, I'm gunna need more explanation that this..-JW_

_You're blind, aren't you, John. SH_

_..Me?- JW_

_I fell in love with you, yes. SH_

_Sadly, I only noticed when I saw you with that woman. I was still "dead" then. SH_

_Victor was there. He took the worse of me, but he still remained by my side. SH_

_You. Utter. Bastard.- JW_

_I know. SH_

_You don't understand do you?- JW_

_You're not gay? I know. I'm sorry. SH_

_You're an idiot. I loved you from the /start/ Sherlock. I always pushed it aside because I knew you'd never feel the same way. When you 'died' I /had/ to move on. When I found Mary, she understood, she stayed by me. Now you tell me this... What am I supposed to do?!- JW_

_Nothing. There is nothing we can do. SH_

_I shouldn't have told you. SH_

_You're right, you shouldn't have. I've been married a week Sherlock. A /week/. I can't just forget..- JW_

_You asked though. I wasn't planning to tell you. SH_

_You're with Mary now and I understand that. I am trying to be with him, so we are moving on. SH_

_I need to get over you. SH_

_Oh my god, I am so confused.- JW_

_You were fine before. Just delete this. Forget it. SH_

_I can't. How am I supposed to just watch you leave now?- JW_

_You don't have to. SH_

_We can still text each other. SH_

_I don't want you to go..-JW_

_We're leaving tomorrow morning. SH_

_Sherlock, don't leave me again. Please.- JW_

_Let me be selfish this time. Let me stay away from you. SH_

_What if I don't want you to?-JW_

_Do you want me to stay here, in London? To see you living with that woman, thinking you're sleeping next to her every night. Don't ask me to do that. I've been at it a few months. I am hating it. SH_

_No, I want you to stay with me.- JW_

_We can't do that. SH_

_She doesn't have to know..-JW_

_You are asking me to be your second. SH_

_You threw yourself off a building when I wanted you to be my first.- JW_

_You never told me. In fact, you pushed me away several times. SH_

_"Colleague!" "I'm not gay" "We're not a couple" SH_

_I could never do anything. SH_

_Because that's what I thought YOU would want me to say! You made it quite clear you had no interest in me, Sherlock, ‘Married to my work’.- JW_

_As usual, you thought wrong. SH_

_Sherlock please. She's my second. It's always been you.- JW_

_Doesn't matter now, does it? John, I am taking a plane tomorrow morning, with Victor. You're staying with her. I won't be your second. SH_

_I'll leave her then.- JW_

_I thought that I would welcome anything you could give me, but no. SH_

_You can't do that. SH_

_I can, for you.-JW_

_Did she tell you she's pregnant already? SH_

_..What?- JW_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With news of Mary's condition, John's choice is made even more difficult.

_She’s pregnant. Body language. We also saw her coming out of the doctor two weeks ago, before the wedding. She didn't drink alcohol and she was usually rubbing her belly. You seriously didn't notice? SH_

_..I'm not ready for that.- JW_

_You'll have to be. SH_

_That's the main reason I am leaving though. SH_

_I don't want to be. I want to be with you, please don't do this.- JW_

_Are you going to abandon her? SH_

_Yes.- JW_

_NO. I don't know..- JW_

_Don't. I know you. You couldn't live with yourself after that. SH_

_Sherlock.. –JW_

_We can't do anything. I'm sorry. SH_

_I don't how you expect me to stay 'happily married' after this.-JW_

_You will be fine after a few weeks. You only have to stop seeing me. SH_

_Hang on, did you say you saw her coming out of the doctor's surgery a week /before/ the wedding?- JW_

_Yes. SH_

_That can't be right..-JW_

_We know what we saw. SH_

_You don't understand Sherlock..-JW_

_Mycroft also had the clinic run DNA tests. SH_

_But we had an abstinence pact.. -JW_

_Obviously you didn't comply. DNA is positive for you. SH_

_I don't understand.. how is this possible?- JW_

_Did you ever get drunk with her? SH_

_Fuck.- JW_

_Yes alright, I remember now. That doesn't make this better.- JW_

_I'm sorry about the DNA, it was Mycroft's idea. SH_

_Nice to know the entire Holmes family already assumed my wife was a cheat.- JW_

_No, Mycroft just wants what’s best for you, as do I. And I already knew that you get somewhat affectionate when you're drunk. SH_

_I don't want a baby, Sherlock. I don't know what to do..-JW_

_John, we're adults. I can help you how much as you want. SH_

_From Paris?- JW_

_From anywhere. SH_

_If you need money I can send you, if you need anything I can be there. SH_

_But don't ask me to stay in London. SH_

_I need you..-JW_

_Do you want me to stay? SH_

_More than anything.-JW_

_Fine. I'll find a new flat, I'll ask Victor to change his residence. SH_

_Are you okay with this? -JW_

_No. But if you are, I will be too. SH_

_I stand by my earlier proposition.- JW_

_Alright. Victor says he can come live in London, only one condition "as long it's not in Baker St". SH_

_Earlier proposition? Leave her? SH_

_And abandon your wife and your kid? SH_

_I told you, she doesn't need to know.- JW_

_You and Mycroft clearly thought she was playing around. Why should it make a difference.- JW_

_I knew she wasn't. Mycroft only wanted to make sure. SH_

_And the difference is she wasn't. SH_

_I do prefer to have to you as my best friend than as my second, John. SH_

_I've wanted this nearly as long as I've known you. It was all I thought about. Now I know you felt the same.. I can't.. Please.- JW_

_Do you want to have sex with me? SH_

_Do you?- JW_

_I am asking you. SH_

_I did. For so long. Now this and I-.. Yes.-JW_

_Do you want to have sex with me several times or just once? SH_

_I'm alright with either.- JW_

_There is a hotel near the bridge, remember that one? SH_

_Yes but I thought you didn't want it to be like this? -JW_

_Do you want to or not? SH_

_Yes.- JW_

_What about Victor?- JW_

_He doesn't have to know. SH_

_I can tell him Lestrade called me. SH_

_I thought I would feel guilty. I don't.- JW_

_That's the John Watson I fell in love with. SH_

_You are so different to me. You taught me so much. SH_

_I could do it, you know..-JW_

_Leave her.- JW_

_Then do it. SH_

_Leave her, leave her pregnant. Abandon her, let's elope. SH_

_Do you want that? SH_

_I'm not ready to be a father. And you know as well as I do that she won't abort it.- JW_

_I want /you/. That's all I can think about right now.- JW_

_It's 3 am. Do you think you can be in the hotel in an hour? SH_

_I can be there in 20 minutes.- JW_

_Do you want to fuck me or do you prefer to be fucked? SH_

_I really don't care. As long as it's you.- JW_

_I am going to fuck you, then. SH_

_Just so you know. After tonight we're going to be lovers. We'll meet a couple of nights a week just to have sex. SH_

_It's going to be difficult to meet and someday, she or Victor are going to find out. SH_

_She's going to hate you, Victor would probably be understanding since he knows about my feelings for you. SH_

_You seem to have thought this through..- JW_

_No, I am just being logical. SH_

_She could even have a miscarriage for the impression. If she doesn't, she won't let you see your kid. SH_

_I want to know if you're all right with all of the lies that this is going to develop. SH_

_I don't want to see it! Don't you understand?! I want to see you! That's what I've always wanted.- JW_

_God, John. What happened to you? SH_

_YOU DID.-JW_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John must convince Sherlock to stay, he must.

_I corrupted you. I am deeply sorry. SH_

_You swan in, completely turned my life upside down. I hated you for it, yet I couldn't leave. How could I? I loved you. Completely, from the first case. Then you took yourself away. No word. It was years, I don't even know how I got through it. And then Mary, she understood, she was a perfect fit for me. AND NOW THIS.-JW_

_John. I am leaving. I didn't want to change you. Obviously I thought you were stronger than this. Apologies. SH_

_No. NO! Don't do this. I'll leave her regardless. I don't want her. I never did, I was just settling. I couldn't have what I truly wanted. Either way this is down to you. Are you going to run away, or are you going to stay and fix this. Fix /me/.- JW_

_I'm begging you.. -JW_

_Don't do this. God, John, please. SH_

_I love you too much, I can't control this anymore. I want it, I want you, I want to be with you. SH_

_I can't be without you. I'm nothing without you. Don't do this to me again.- JW_

_What about her? Are you going to be all right? SH_

_She'll understand. She'll have to. -JW_

_With a baby. Your baby. SH_

_I don't want it.-JW_

_It's not your choice. SH_

_Well think of it this way, Sherlock. The last time you left me, I drank and I took random drugs you'd left in the flat. I nearly died 3 times. Mycroft didn't tell you about that did he? He wanted to protect you. You do this to me again and I promise I'll do the job more efficiently. Either way, that child will have no father. -JW_

_You’re right, it’s not my choice. It's your choice.- JW_

_He didn't have to tell me, I was there. And I never imagined black mail was your style. SH_

_You've left me with no alternative. How many times do I have to say it, I can't be without you. Not again.- JW_

_But I promised I'll stay in London. SH_

_I don't want you to do something you are going to regret later. SH_

_I could never regret it.- JW_

_We should try to be friends again. SH_

_That's not enough.- JW_

_It should be for now. Love is nor an advantage. We need to try to think logically about this. SH_

_Logically? Do you ever just do something in a spur of the moment thing? Carpe Diem and all that..-JW_

_When I did I had to fake my death for three years in order to protect what I loved the most. SH_

_When I did it again I found myself nearly raping Victor in order to take away my frustration because of you finding that woman. SH_

_It doesn't always end up with someone 'dying' or in pain.-JW_

_No, but love always ends with someone broken. SH_

_Yet now, I'm willing to give all of it up to be with you and you turn me away? And you say you love me.. - JW_

_Don't you dare accuse me of not loving you. I don't want to be broken again. SH_

_I don't want you to be broken again. SH_

_Please.. JW_

_I don't want her or him to be broken because of me. SH_

_Don't you understand? SH_

_I am broken. I'm broken without you.. JW_

_I am without you, too. SH_

_You have no idea of how much I love you. SH_

_Then why are you doing this? JW_

_Because I love you. SH_

_Because I know you. SH_


	5. Chapter 5

_If you loved me at all, you wouldn't do this. JW_

_All right. Look. We have to start slow, then. SH_

_I don't want to commit another imprudence and have to give up everything again. Everything that this time could include yourself. SH_

_I'm going to that hotel Sherlock. I'm leaving right now. lt's your choice whether you decide you join me. I hope you do.- JW_

_I'll be there in ten minutes. Will be waiting for you. SH_

_We need to talk face to face at least.-JW_

_I know. SH_

_Although if things go my way, not much talking will happen.- JW_

Soon Sherlock was on the lobby of the hotel. Hair dripping wet because of the rain. He waited for John. He had asked for a room already and he played with the key between his fingers, eyes fixed on the door. John had to quickly dress and leave without waking Mary. It was pouring with rain when he got outside. He hailed the nearest cab, his heart was pounding. It wasn't long before he arrived. He checked with Sherlock first.

_What room?- JW_

_I'm in the lobby. Are you close? SH_

_Just paid the cabbie. Two minutes tops.-JW_

_I'm waiting. SH_

John stumbled into the hotel and scanned the lobby. Sherlock was sat in the bar area. He strolled over, trying to keep his cool. He actually found it worryingly hard not to cry.  
"Room 221, can you believe it?" Sherlock said standing up with a smile, he walked to his friend and took his hand, looking right into his eyes. "Are you sure about this?" he whispered. John wouldn't be able to speak without his voice betraying how emotional he was. He merely nodded, looking straight into Sherlock's eyes, hoping that he would notice how sincere he was.

"Come on, then" he pulled from John's hand and pressed the button of the elevator. As soon as they were inside and the doors were closed he turned to look at John. "I love you" he said softly.

"I love you." John replied, his voice breaking just as he predicted it would. He avoided Sherlock's gaze, embarrassed at his emotions.

"Look at me" Sherlock looked for John's eyes. "John, look at me" he insisted, lifting John's chin. "I want you to be sure, once we're out this elevator you can't stop me, is that alright?" he asked getting dangerously close. John nodded. 

"I am sure. I've never been more sure about anything.." he whispered, fighting the urge to lean up to Sherlock.

"Good" The doors of the elevator opened and he walked searching for room 221. He opened the door for John. Once inside he checked their surroundings, took off his coat, scarf and jacket and tossed everything over the nearest chair. John stood still, unsure of protocol. He'd never done anything like this before. He followed Sherlock with his eyes and copied him by removing his coat and throwing it over a chair. Sherlock stared at John for a while and then walked to him. 

"John..." his voice low and calm. "There are so many things I want to say, I want to do..." he trailed off as his hands moved to cup John's jaw. He got lost on those deep blue eyes. He couldn't help it; he moved his face closer to John and kissed him desperately. John was taken aback, but adjusted himself to deepen the kiss regardless. He'd wanted this for so long. His thoughts briefly drifted to Mary at home, the night he’d spent with her; he’d been sat up in the centre of their bed while she was straddled on his lap. He’d held her hips as she rode him slowly; their lips connected the whole time. He surprised himself with how little he cared as he wrapped his arms around Sherlock's waist.


	6. Chapter 6

Moving a bit and shifting, Sherlock pulled John's jumper over his head. He also worked on John's shirt, pulling apart from the kiss, looking into John's eyes, searching for anything. He moved even closer to the bed and kissed John again. Sherlock explored John's mouth with his tongue and then moved to kiss John's jaw, shoulders and neck as they were exposed. John's breath hitched as Sherlock kissed his neck. He reached for Sherlock's buttons. His stupid shirt was too tight, as usual. He grew very impatient very quickly and instead just pulled the shirt apart, sending buttons flying in all directions. With a moan, Sherlock finished taking his shirt off. John was aggressive and he couldn't help a smirk in between the kiss. Sherlock reached down to John's tenting pants, and slid them down to the best of his ability. 

"I want to see you... all of you, John..." he purred. John was a little embarrassed at the request, he kicked off his trousers and pants together and stood awkwardly, flushing scarlet. Sherlock bit his lip, John was gorgeous. He remembered Victor and couldn't help but clench his jaw. He reached for John's hand and moved them to his own trousers. 

"Do it." he whispered, giving John time in case he wanted to finish this but John continued, blushing as he fumbled with Sherlock's belt, too eager. He slid it out of the belt loops and threw it over to the chair. He started slowly removing Sherlock's trousers, eyeing his facial expression for any indication that he wanted to stop. Sherlock panted heavily. He was incredibly hard by now. Just seeing John naked sent shivers all around his body, he looked back at John with his lips parted, cheeks flushes and eyes glossy with desire. John dropped Sherlock's trousers down to his ankles and pushed his boxers down to meet them. He stood in awe of Sherlock's body, he was flawless. Like each intricate detail was carved out of marble. John placed a single hand on Sherlock's chest. 

"Wow.." he breathed, his eyes moving all over Sherlock.

"Wow?" Sherlock repeated with a little smirk. "Am I not of your liking?" he teased even though John's evident erection proved him wrong immediately. He ran his hands up and down John's arm, and took a step closer to him. Their cocks were nearly touching. John frowned at him before kissing him again, walking backwards towards the bed and pulling Sherlock with him. He stopped when he could feel the linen on the backs of his knees and pulled out of the kiss. 

"I believe you wanted to do the fucking Mr Holmes?" he said with a smirk.

"I wanted to, yes" Sherlock turned them and fell on the bed on his back, pulling John above him. "I wanted to see if I would scare you off..." he giggled and moved to kiss John again, "but now, John..." he moved his lips to John's ear, "I want you to penetrate me, if that's all right with you, doctor" he breathed there. John chuckled.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. This is essentially smut. I got asked for an update and here it is. It's not alot but it's something. Also I'd like to add that half of this was already written in January and I like to think my writing skills have progressed since then. Not spellchecked or anything. Sorry in advance.

_"I wanted to see if I would scare you off..." he chuckled and moved to kiss John again, "but now, John..." he moved his lips to John's ear, "I want you to penetrate me, if that's all right with you, doctor" he breathed there._

 

"Clearly, it worked." John said sarcastically. He was growing impatient now and Sherlock's words were a massive turn on. He stood up and grabbed Sherlock by the waist, quickly flipping him onto his front. Sherlock gasped at the sudden change of position. 

"Lube... in my trousers' pocket" he managed. His current position didn't let him do much anyway, so he just arched a bit his back, offering himself to John. John fumbled in the pocket before finding the little sachet. 

"Nice to know you're always prepared" he smirked as he tore the packet open with his teeth and slicked himself up. "Are you sure about this?" he asked a final time as he took hold of Sherlock's hips, prepared to enter.

"Ah.. wait, you need to..." Sherlock flipped on his back again. "It's the first time you’ve done it with a man, I understand..." he said with a soft smile, he parted his legs moving one on each side of John's legs on the mattress. He took the lube from John's hand and coated his own fingers, he moved them to his entrance and started to finger himself slowly, his eyes fixed in John's all the time. "You need to... ah! Stretch me before... uhnnn" he moaned as he worked himself open.

John folded his arms. "Are you quite finished?" he tutted. "This was meant to be a two-person thing" he joked. Sherlock frowned, and took John's hand and moved it to his arse. "You do it, then" he shrugged.

John stuttered. "I uhh.. don't really know what to do.." he said awkwardly, blushing a little.

"Finger me, you need to stretch me before you can fuck me, else you..." he looked down at John's cock, "you won't fit." he smirked, biting his lower lip and making John blush even more. John did as he was told, slipping a finger into Sherlock and working it in and out of him a few times, earning delicious moans to spill from the detective. John soon felt confident enough to add another finger and began to scissor them to stretch Sherlock further. 

They moved further up the bed so they were both comfortable. Despite the build up and messing around with each other, this moment truly meant a lot to the both of them. John positioned himself between Sherlock’s legs, his hand ghosting up Sherlock’s ribs as he applied gentle kisses to the detective’s shoulder. Raising his head, he locked eyes with the detective.

“Sherlock.” He whispered simply, his voice almost cracking over the word. 

“I know, John.” Sherlock replied quietly. He lifted his head so he could meet the doctor’s lips, sucking at them gently. With that, John lifted Sherlock’s thighs to either side of his hips, bending the detective’s spine slightly so their bodies would meet in the right place. Satisfied that Sherlock was suitably stretched and lubricated, he aligned himself and eased into Sherlock, thrusting just a little bit at a time.

They both let out a gasp when John was fully seated within Sherlock, remaining still for a moment so they could both adjust. It was Sherlock that moved first, pulling John down to him by the back of his neck and giving him a peck on the lips before simply holding their foreheads together. “John.” Was all he said before the doctor began to move. He didn’t thrust wildly like he imagined doing about five minutes previous. He simply rocked his hips, gently pushing Sherlock forward each time their bodies met. His forehead remained fixed to Sherlock’s as they remained entwined, their sweat and breaths mixing together, letting out small gasps and groans of pleasure. 

When Sherlock bit his lip and tipped his head back with a groan, John knew he’d located that spot inside of his lover and tried, with difficulty, to maintain the angle he was thrusting at, kissing and nibbling at Sherlock’s exposed neck. 

“Oh god, John.. So close..” Sherlock whined, sliding a hand between them to give his erection some attention. It was unlikely he’d be able to come from prostate stimulation alone anyway. At Sherlock’s warning, John sped up his hips, dropping his head onto Sherlock’s shoulder as he groaned with both effort and the feeling of the building pleasure in his lower abdomen.

After a few more thrusts, Sherlock tensed and cried out, his hand still moving as he spilled onto his own stomach. The feeling of Sherlock tensing and twitching around him meant that John only lasted a matter of seconds before his hips snapped forward and he came inside Sherlock.

They lay like that for a good few minutes, neither one of them wanting to part from the other. But soon the position grew uncomfortable with oversensitivity and they had to separate, rolling to lie next to each other. Sherlock mopped himself up haphazardly with a flannel from the bedside table before taking up residence curled up against John’s chest, sighing happily.


End file.
